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Since the original St. Valentine expressed his reverence for love by illegally and secretly performing marriages for Roman Soldiers, even though they were forbidden, because the Emperor believed that unmarried soldiers were braver and better fighters, this day has come to be thought of primarily as a time for the expression and appreciation of romantic love between two partners. So the focus goes to the bouquets of flowers and boxes of candy, and too often the primary motivations are guilt, habit, or manipulation.
Why not give the ultimate gift of love? With today’s guest, Patricia Evans, we will take a look at just how we really can give true love. The author of “The Verbally Abusive Relationship,” Patricia will discuss with us the kinds of communication that are truly loving, and the subtle ways we can abuse each other. Sure, most of us can restrain from punching, kicking, and yelling foul epithets at our significant other, but most of us are also unaware of the more subtle forms of abuse we use – and how true love is undermined.
Patricia Evans is the woman who almost single-handedly brought the notion of verbal abuse to the attention of both health professionals and the general public. As an interpersonal communications specialist and author of six books on topics related to verbal abuse, such as controlling personalities and the healing process, Patricia refers to verbal abuse as a “secret form of control.” Her work has been a cornerstone in my therapy, especially in my work with couples and families.
Love grows in an atmosphere of safety, intimacy is nurtured by trust, kindness, and affection, and the subtle abusive behaviors most of us use destroy this platform that is needed for love that is ever-deepening and ever more satisfying.
You will discover how those “little white lies” can devastate, how being unresponsive or ignoring creates separation, how insisting on winning damages the very part of your loved one that is most important. We also explore the childhood roots of the problem in both the victim and the perpetrator (who is also a victim), and the kind of parental care that sets us up for such a relationship.
This episode will help you realize that there are some clear and simple ways you can make sure your treatment of your loved one will be loving and not abusive. During the last half of the show you will experience a free guided imagery meditation designed to attune you to your basic loving nature and develop the vocabulary and the emotional resonance to make freedom from abuse the world’s greatest Valentine’s present!
Support Dr. Miller’s Conversations With Extraordinary People with your purchase of:
The Verbally Abusive Relationship:
In this fully expanded and updated third edition of the bestselling classic, you learn why verbal abuse is more widespread than ever, and how you can deal with it. You’ll get more of the answers you need to recognize abuse when it happens, respond to abusers safely and appropriately, and most important, lead a happier, healthier life.
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